you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
