I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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