"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Randomize
