I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
