I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
