Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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