turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
