Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
