We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
