I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize