dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
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