How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
