Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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