Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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