So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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