90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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