Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
