i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
