Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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