Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
