break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
