you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
