apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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