True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
