he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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