i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
