Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
