i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
