did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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