youre lurking in front of me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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