i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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