My liver just broke up with me...
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
