your parents love me but you hate me
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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