I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
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