I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
