Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!