he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
