I wish they made helmets for livers.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
