I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
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