Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
