She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
The cops high fived after they tackled you
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
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