There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
did i walk over a car last night?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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