standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
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