im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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