Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
