Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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