there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize