I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
