I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
