remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
