I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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