Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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