11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
And my parents said I crawled through the house
These tits shall not be calmed
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
