How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
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being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
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well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Never underestimate the power of titties
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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