i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm like, not good at living.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
