he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
