when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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