As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
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