worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Pooping to opera.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
