I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
