god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize
