The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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