I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
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