you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
