I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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