oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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