Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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