She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
