Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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