mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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