I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
