Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
