Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize