Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
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