you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Randomize
