Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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